Why do I feel responsible for everyone?
Do you feel that:
- you have to look after other people’s emotions
- you find it hard to say no
- you feel guilty when you say “no”
This may mean that you take on too much responsibility for other people. Although it may look like being a good person – in the long run it leads to exhaustion, tension and frustration.
What are healthy boundaries?
Boundaries are not walls. They are information:
“This is mine.”
“This belongs to you.”
Healthy boundaries allow you to:
- take care of yourself
- build genuine relationships
- not take responsibility for other people’s emotions
Why is it so hard to set boundaries?
Most often it comes down to fear:
- of rejection
- of conflict
- of judgement
But also deeply rooted beliefs telling us that we should be nice and that we must not let others down.
Taking responsibility for others and childhood
If as a child:
- you had to be strong
- you took on the emotions of the adults around you
- you learnt that your needs mattered less
then your body may have learnt that being responsible for others = safety.
💡 See also: Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) – symptoms in adult life
The inner critic and a lack of boundaries
When you try to set a boundary, a voice appears:
“You’re overreacting”
“You’re selfish”
“You’ll let everyone down”
This is the inner critic, trying to keep you in the relationship at any cost.
How to stop taking responsibility for everyone?
- Recognise what is yours
Ask yourself: Is this really my responsibility?
- Start with small boundaries
You don’t have to start with big changes. One small “no” is enough.
- Learn to tolerate discomfort
Setting boundaries often comes with tension. That is natural.
- Bring in self-empathy
Instead of: I couldn’t manage it again
Try: That was hard – I’m learning.
Why is setting boundaries so emotionally difficult?
Because it often means:
- changing old patterns
- facing your fear
- feeling guilty
And at the same time it does not mean you are doing something wrong. It means you are doing something new.
Taking responsibility for others is not a sign of strength. It is often the result of learnt patterns.
Boundaries do not destroy relationships. They allow you to build them on truth and respect.
If you are reading this article and you feel that:
- you find it hard to say “no”
- you often take other people’s emotions on yourself
- you feel responsible for everyone
- you lack space for yourself
this may be a sign that you need more support in setting boundaries.
You don’t have to deal with this alone.
Setting boundaries is a process – often bound up with fear,
guilt and old patterns that are hard to change on your own.
In a safe therapeutic relationship you can learn this step by step, at your own pace.
If you feel this is the moment to look into it – you can get in touch with me in whichever way is easiest for you:
📝 through the form on the website
📧 by e-mail
📞 by phone
You can also take a look here and get to know me better:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paulinagorazdowska_psycholog/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61588358429178
Sometimes the first step is simply writing a message.
Related articles:
- Self-empathy – how to stop criticising yourself and leave survival mode
- The inner critic – where it comes from and how to stop tearing yourself down from within
- Survival mode – how to tell you are living in chronic tension?
- Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) – symptoms in adult life