Has your child been talking less lately? Spending time in their room with headphones on? Do they seem sad, or turn aggressive as if half-joking? If you are answering “yes” – you are not alone. Adolescence is not just a breaking voice or hormones – it is an inner chaos that a teenager often can’t get a handle on or put into words.
Part 1: Understanding (what is going on)
Researchers at Stanford University have shown that the teenage brain goes through a reconstruction similar to renovating a house while still living in it. At the very time teenagers are searching for their identity, their emotional brain is running at full speed, while the part responsible for controlling emotions is still developing.
What does this mean in practice?
- Their emotions are real and intense – not “being dramatic”
- The fear of being judged is biologically grounded – the social system of the teenage brain is ultra-sensitive
- Talking to adults is a risk – they might not understand, they might judge, they might try to “fix” things
That is why therapy makes sense. It is a safe space where nobody judges or says how things should be, but simply listens.
Part 2: Practical tips for parents
If you are not in therapy yet – try this:
1. Recognising emotions by naming them Instead of: “Stop moaning” Try: “I can see something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?”
Exercise: Prepare a list of emotions (sadness, anger, fear, helplessness, shame, loneliness) and ask your child: “Which of these fits what you are feeling right now?”
2. Safe space = no judgement Adolescents have a superpower for detecting anything fake. Your words don’t count as much as the emotions behind them.
3. Actions instead of words
- Instead of “you can come to me with any problem” → create a routine – sushi together on Fridays, a drive in the car, a walk
- Doing things together reduces tension and makes conversation easier
Part 3: When therapy changes the game
A therapist is a third person – not Mum, not Dad, not a teacher. That makes a difference. A teenager can:
- Express things they won’t tell their parents (sometimes precisely because they love them)
- Learn coping strategies in a safe environment
- Build a sense of agency – “I can solve this myself”
- Discover their own values instead of living by other people’s expectations
Research shows: Teenagers who had access to therapy showed 40% lower levels of anxiety and depression within 6 months.
Part 4: First steps
An exercise for teenagers – done at home:
- An emotion diary for 7 days (how I feel in the morning, at midday, in the evening + what happened)
- No judgement – just observation
If your child is struggling with anxiety, depression, problems at school or in relationships with peers – invite them to a first consultation. In the first conversation we work out together what will be best. No pressure, no diagnosis – just a conversation.