“I don’t want to go to therapy because I don’t want to reopen old wounds.”
“I don’t want to go back to my childhood.”
“I’m afraid I’ll have to tell someone everything about myself, and that feels like too much.”
These are things I hear from many people who are thinking about starting therapy. And yet resistance, fear or simply doubt creeps in. That is completely understandable.
The good news is that there is a therapeutic approach that is not built on analysing the past or “digging up” painful stories.
It is Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, or SFBT for short – the approach I work in every day. And that is what I would like to tell you about today.
What is SFBT?
SFBT stands for Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (in Polish: Terapia Skoncentrowana na Rozwiązaniach, TSR).
The approach was developed in the USA in the 1980s by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg – two therapists who noticed that many of their clients did not need years of analysing where their problems came from.
According to the principles of this approach, it is often enough to discover what is already working, see what kind of life the client wants, and start moving towards it step by step.
SFBT is a therapy that is:
- short-term,
- practical,
- focused on resources,
- respectful and collaborative.
What does an SFBT therapist do?
1. They ask: “What would you like to be different?” instead of: “What happened in your childhood?”
From the very first session, an SFBT therapist helps you name your goal – what you want, rather than focusing on what you don’t want.
It can be something very specific, for example:
- “I want to stop waking up anxious.”
- “I want to have more patience with my children.”
- “I want to feel alive, not just get through the day.”
You don’t need to know exactly what you want – we often discover it together by talking about what your life would look like if things were a little better.
2. They look for what works – even a little
The therapist does not focus on problems, but on the moments when the problem is less present or does not appear at all.
They ask questions that help you notice that you already have plenty of resources, skills and inner strength.
? It is concrete work on noticing what you can already do and how you can build on it.
3. They help build a bridge between the “here and now” and what you want
SFBT is not about magical thinking.
It is about small, concrete steps you can take here and now – steps that bring you closer to how you want to feel and how you want to live.
You don’t have to “solve” everything. Sometimes it is enough to feel 5% better. That in itself is a huge change.
4. They respect your pace, your choices and the way you see the world
An SFBT therapist does not tell you what to do. They don’t judge, diagnose or try to fix you.
They walk alongside you, ask questions, listen and support you – but you decide where you want to get to.
What about the past? Is it never touched in SFBT?
It is not that the past is off limits in SFBT. If you want to talk about it, there is room for that. But we don’t dig into it just for the sake of it.
Instead of focusing on what happened back then, we explore:
- How can what you have been through become your strength today?
- What have you learnt about yourself through those experiences?
- What do you want to do NOW so that your life looks different?
Because whatever your past – your future is still unwritten.
SFBT – who is it for?
This way of working is particularly helpful if:
- you feel overwhelmed and want some relief,
- you need support here and now – without lengthy analysis,
- you want to regain a sense of influence over your life,
- you find it hard to talk about emotions, but you know that “something isn’t right”,
- you are looking for an approach that does not judge, does not label and does not push.
What does the first session look like?
At the first session:
- we get to know each other and talk about what brings you here,
- together we consider what would be a change for the better for you,
- we discuss how we will work together, your expectations and your needs,
- you are given space to sense whether this approach is right for you.
It is a calm, safe conversation – no pressure, no rush. You don’t have to say everything. You can start with a single sentence – that is enough.
A few questions you might hear in SFBT:
- What have you already tried that helped, even a little?
- How will you know we have taken a step in the right direction?
- What will your day look like when the problem is smaller?
- What might change first – even just a little?
These are questions that open up a new perspective, build hope and show that change is possible.
Is SFBT right for you?
I don’t know exactly what you are going through – but I do know that you don’t have to be alone with what you feel.
If you are ready for a conversation that revolves not around problems, but around possibilities – you are warmly welcome.
SFBT won’t solve everything for you. But it can be the start of a path on which:
- you will feel more in control,
- you will reconnect with yourself,
- you will stop fighting – and start building.
There is more in you than you think
Your past may have been difficult. But the past does not define who you are, and your future does not have to be a copy of it.
And if you are afraid that “it doesn’t work” – perhaps you simply haven’t yet tried the kind of conversation that doesn’t judge or dig, but simply sees you.
If you feel this might be for you – I warmly invite you to get in touch.
Because sometimes all it takes is for someone to ask:
“What would be helpful for you right now?”
…and to genuinely wait for the answer.